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Simulation & Gaming:
An Interdisciplinary Journal

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Quotes

Quotes

From http://www.indianchild.com/Quotes/job_quotes.htm

It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't
--Martin Van Buren

Successful people begin where failures leave off. Never settle for 'just getting the job done.' Excel!
--Tom Hopkins

Two can live as cheaply as one - if they both have good jobs.
--Laurence Peter

Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it Autograph your work with excellence.
--Unknown

Your biggest opportunity probably lies under your own feet, in your current job, industry, education, experience or interests.
--Brian Tracy

A date is a job interview that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is that there are not many job interviews where there's a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
--Jerry Seinfeld

No one can help you in holding a good job except Old Man You.
--Edgar Watson Howe

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs
--Henry Ford

We're supposed to be perfect our first day on the job and then show constant improvement.
--Ed Vargo major league baseball umpire

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
--Henry David Thoreau

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy
--Danny McGoorty Irish Pool Player

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
--Drew Carey   

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up
--Muhammad Ali

People can be unreliable and disloyal; possessions can lose their value; jobs that once stimulated you can become boring. But principles remain steady through it all.
--Nido Qubein

Learn to think in positive affirmations. Affirmations are any statements you make. Too often we think in negative affirmations. Negative affirmations only create more of what you say you don't want. Saying, I hate my job, will get you nowhere. Declaring, I now accept a wonderful new job, will open the channels in your consciousness to create that.
--Louise Hay

From  http://jokes.empstudios.com/corporate/interview-quote.html

Jokes

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.

• "What is it that you people do at this company?"
• "What is the company motto?"
• "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
• "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
• "Why do you want references?"
• "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"
• "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"
• "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"
• "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"
• "Does your health insurance cover pets?"
• "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
• "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
• "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"
• "Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during the interview process.

• I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.
• At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.
• I feel uneasy indoors.
• Sometimes I feel like smashing things.
• Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.
• I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.
• I get excited very easily.
• Once a week, I usually feel hot all over.
• I am fascinated by fire.
• I like tall women.
• Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about sex.
• People are always watching me.
• If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.
• Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct.
• I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.
• I never get hungry.
• I know who is responsible for most of my troubles
• If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.
• I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.
• My legs are really hairy.
• I think I'm going to throw-up.

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